Trials, Pain, and Hope

Since the late 90s, I have been dealing with chronic pain and fatigue. It started suddenly one day while working on my computer. I went from being healthy to seriously messed up in an instant. I actually remember when, and where I was when it happened. For the next 20 years, I have spent countless dollars on doctors and treatments, trying to find out why my body was rebelling on me, and how I could stop the pain. Each attempt at finding help ended in disappointment, and a broke bank account.

As a single mom, taking care of my son, holding down a job, and managing a house grew increasingly more difficult. I attempted some exercise, only to be laid out for days after in pain. Through the years, I learned to push through the pain, and get my body in some semblance of shape. It was the only way to function, and keep my tightening muscles moving. It is difficult to exercise when your body is screaming at you to rest. After lots of trial and error, I learned to fight the desire to rest and keep moving.

After my son left home, I learned about a local climbing gym near our house. I had always wanted to learn so I convinced a girlfriend to go with me. I was almost 180 pounds and totally intimidated by the amazingly fit people scaling the walls. About a year after joining, and never going, I finally got the courage to take class, and learn to climb. As a result, I met a few women that I began to climb with regularly, and the rest was history.

Climbing was the best medicine for my body. Not that I was healed, but I lost a lot of weight, got fit, and found relief from the fatigue and pain. Climbing became a life line in those early days. I transformed emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I grew closer to God, as he brought people in and out of my life that could teach me to climb. I made new friends, grew in confidence, and learned what it meant to rely on His strength when I was too weak or scared to move on my own.

A few months ago, I learned just how serious the injuries to my back and neck had become. In 2011, the MRIs showed only minimal disk bulge in one vertebrae. This year, the MRI showed a degenerated disk, five bulging disks, severe arthritis, and crushed nerves that effect my fingers, hands, and feet. My posture and neck alignment is a mess, I have no grip strength, and I am not able to use my abdominal muscles properly. Honestly, it is amazing I am able to climb at all!

Moving Beyond Our Pain and Finding Hope

I have new hope from the Centeno Shultz clinic. About a month ago I received some treatments that may restore at least some of the disks, reverse the arthritis, and bring some relief to the numbness in my hands and feet. I also started physical therapy for posture restoration.

After my examination and platelet/growth factor injections, Dr. Hyzy looked at me and said, “no climbing, not weight lifting, no mountain biking, no stress of any kind on your shoulders for six weeks. I had been intensely training for the past couple of months in preparation for our Cayman Brac climbing\scuba diving trip. I was in much better shape, my climbing had improved, and was feeling the best I had felt in a long time. After seeing how crushed I was by his instructions, Dr. Hyzy had pity on me, and gave me permission to climb, “lightly,” while I was on vacation.

Pain is never easy. Chronic pain is rarely understood by the people around you. Especially when you “look” strong and healthy. Over the years, I have had many of nights sobbing and praying to the Lord for some relief from constant pain. I have gone forward countless times at church for healing. I have tried every treatment imaginable. I have spent thousands of dollars looking for relief. Yet relief never came…. at least not yet. I still have hope, and faith that God will walk me through the pain. He may even choose to heal me with the help of medical marvels such as blood platelet or stem cell injections.

So where is the blessing in the midst of chronic pain? I have to admit, at its worst, blessings are hard to see. Pain can give you blinders and tunnel vision. When that happens, you can miss what God is doing all around you. I promise you, no matter what you are facing, the blessings are there. All you have to do is take off the blinders and see the truth of God’s hand in your life.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28

While fighting through the pain, I learned about fitness and eating properly. I improved my health and lost a lot of weight. While fighting through the pain I fell in love with rock climbing. I found that during a climb the pain subsided, my head cleared, and I had some relief. While fighting through the pain I learned reliance on God, allowing Him to get me through my work days when a bed seemed like the only tolerable option. While fighting through the pain, I learned courage, patience and perseverance. I learned to keep fighting, and to never give up.

I have found that these lessons were often discovered on the rock, as well as in life. God has used climbing as a method to reinforce these lessons, and carry me through my most difficult days. I have learned that in Christ I can do all things. When I fall, He will catch me. When I find myself off route, He will guide me in the right direction. When I am weak, He will be my strength. When I am frozen in fear, too scared to move to the next bolt, He keeps me moving one step at a time, until I move through the crux and clip that next bolt. When I am ready to give up, He will keep me driving forward to the summit.

I do not like the pain, but in some ways, I am grateful for it. I do not understand why life happens the way it does. I do not understand hardships and loss. It is hard to see amazing people go through horrible experiences. However, I do know this. Whatever the circumstances, God is there, walking beside us. He does not cause the pain, but He will utilize our suffering for His glory and our benefit. Walking through our hurts, losses, and tragedies will bring healing in one form or another. We may not see it while walking through the turmoil. However, when we look back, we will see all God had done during those times. While the pain, in any form will never make sense, we see the better person we have become and know God has had us in the palm of His hand the entire time.

Whatever you are facing in life, I want to encourage you. God is there amidst the pain. He is there, walking beside you, and even carrying you when necessary. Do not wait to look back on the journey and see what God had done during those times. Take off the blinders, step out of the tunnel, and allow God to show you what He is doing now, today. Knowing He is there, seeing His work in your life may be just the encouragement you need to keep moving forward, pushing through your crux to reach the summit.

From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. – Psalm 61:2

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-8