July 15, 2014 is a day that is permanently burned into my brain. It was a typical Summer Saturday,
with a group of friends headed out to explore a beautiful place, armed with kayaks, food, dogs, and climbing shoes. If you had told me that day was going to rock my world and change me in a drastic way, I would have laughed in your face!!
I grew up a Midwest girl, on a farm in Illinois. I had always loved being outside, but climbing was not something I was introduced to until I moved to Arizona in 2013. Kayaking was only something I had done sporadically, but not on a frequent basis. Turns out both of those activities are readily available within just minutes of where I live now, in Arizona. I cannot begin to describe the joy that that kayaking and climbing bring me., nor can I tell you how blessed I feel knowing that I can do either one of them pretty much whenever my heart desires. I also wish I could put into words the healing it has brought my heart, to be able to do so much out in God’s creation so easily.
Playing outside, regardless of the activity, has transformed my life and helped me cope with emotional and spiritual pain like I cannot describe. Phrases like, “It’s so beautiful here,” and “This place brings me so much joy,” come out of my mouth on a frequent basis. These are words like that can sound trite, quaint, and even surfacy. However, it goes so much deeper than that. The mountains have brought a depth of healing I have never known prior to living in them. It is not just the mountains themselves, it is the One who has made the mountains. I feel Him and experience Him the most, and the deepest, in the majesty of His mountains.
What made that day in July so different? The unexpected. I headed out to the beautiful Blue Ridge Reservoir. What many do not know about the state of Arizona is that there are gems like Blue Ridge hidden around the state. It is tucked into the middle of nowhere, but the elevation is somewhere close to 6,700 feet elevation. As a result, the water is surrounded by tall pine trees and is simply breathtaking. Our plan for the day was to head out on canoes, kayaks, whitewater rafts, and paddle boards to go deep water soloing. Instead of rock climbing with ropes and gear, deep water soloing consists of you and your shoes. Once you complete the route and top out, you simply turn around and jump back into the water.
The very first route I chose to climb got my heart racing as the kayak rocked back and forth, making my stomach flip as I reached out grab the rock and start the climb. My roommate had climbed the route before me, and was waiting for me at the top so we could jump off together. We had checked the base of the climb to make sure the climb was safe. Our only concern was one rock maybe the size of a small chair below the surface of the water, just at the base of the climb. We were not super concerned, knowing that if you could not commit to the climb all that needed to be done was push off from the wall, miss the boulder, and land in the water. The climb had a bit of an overhang, although I have no doubt that my brain increased the its size.
Between forearm burnout and fear raging through my body, I tired quickly. Both my friends in boats below, and at the top offered encouragement, beta, suggestions and helped me forge through the crux. I made it through!! Relived beyond belief, I stopped to quiet my raging heart on a jug just a few feet short of topping out. I remember thinking, “I will have to find the courage to jump off, but I’ll worry about that later.”
And then it happened. SNAP!!
That giant, bomber jug broke off under my full weight being placed on my right foot. The sandstone (I think that’s what it is anyway) was brittle as a tea cup and could not handle the stress. “OH NO! THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL!!” was the only thought that went through my mind.
Pain. Excruciating pain. Pain, like I have never felt before, shot through my legs.
I arched my back and used my arms to surface and get air. “I hit my legs! I hit my legs!” In no time flat a friend was holding my arms. To this day I have no clue how she got there so quickly, but in an instant my roommate was by my side, hoisting me into the whitewater raft. I have had injuries before, mostly minor, but I had never experienced anything quite like this!
I am not entirely sure why I thought my ankles were simply sprained. We tried icing my ankles to reduce swelling and even tried a foam brace from the first aid kit. Nothing seemed to take the pain away. Well, that is except for tequila. To be honest, the tequila did not really take away the pain, it simply gave me a slightly better attitude about having ruined everyone’s day with a freak accident. I would definitely put myself in the “lightweight” category when it comes to drinking alcohol, but from stories I hear others tell about that day, I consumed a LOT of it. I am sorry to say that I do not recall much else about that day.
The rain started to pick up and I vaguely remember the group having a conversation about whether or not we should be done on the water that day. We got back to the vehicles and I remember a group of middle age folks making fun of me for sitting in the raft while everyone else in the group loaded all the boats, dogs, people, and coolers into the vehicles. I remember being completely perturbed with them. Anyone who knows me even a smidgen, knows I do not sit still well, especially when there is work to be done. I remember two of my roommates lifting me up out of the boat to carry me into the truck. I remember needing to go to the bathroom, and being so foggy from the pain and the alcohol, that my only request was to be held in the water so I could go. Let me tell you, something like that will take a friendship to the next level!!
I remember snippets of the next couple of hours, and even days ahead. Everyone in the group was planning on camping in the area overnight. I had already planned on driving back with another girl from our group that night. Thankfully my roommate insisted she drive my car. Of course I wanted to argue about being fine. However, I was definitely relieved she was along to be an escort. During the drive home, I managed to get in contact with a friend who had recently broken her foot, to ask if I could borrow her crutches. She brought them over that night. Hobbling would be the nice term to use for what I looked like as I got around the empty house that night.
For some reason, I figured it was fine for me to go to church the next day. After the service, a friend took a look at my legs and insisted I go to the hospital. I am not sure why we chose an urgent care, instead of the emergency room. If we had gone to the ER, I might not have had to wait about a week to find out that I had not one, but TWO broken legs. Fibula/tibia fractures in my left leg, and calcaneus/talus fractures in my right ankle.
After surgery, lots of bright green casts, and what seemed like the longest summer of my life, I can now say PRAISE JESUS I am healed. The list of things I learned through this entire season of life is too many too count, but I want to share one night with you that I will never forget, and I hope I never will. This night was a conversation I had with my Creator and Healer. Over my 17 years as a believer, my Abba Father has communicated with me in various ways at different times in my relationship. This night I will never forget the Creator of the universe spoke to me in the most audible voice I have ever heard. I want to share with you this conversation, because it rocked my world in the best possible way.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10
Before my surgery the medical personnel did very little to manage my pain. (That is an entirely different story in and of itself) I was in excruciating pain and barely slept for nights on end. I feel like I have a fairly high pain tolerance, but the pain in my leg penetrated every single part of who I was, and consumed me. I woke up from a light sleep, weeping from the pain and the fact that, from what I knew at that point, I had one broken leg at the start of what was supposed to be a very exciting summer. I had plans for adventures, as well as hanging out with my friends and church family. A broken leg threw the biggest wrench in ALL of those plans.
As I woke up crying I remember praying “Father it hurts so badly, take this pain away!! What am I going to do? This completely ruins all of my summer plans.”
“Megan, you’ll be okay.”
“How am I going to be okay? This ruins everything!!”
“Megan, I’ve got you! You are my child and I love you. It doesn’t feel like it, but I’ve got this!!”
“But Father, how will this ever be okay? I had all sorts of plans this summer. I was supposed to go on adventures, and take all sorts of kids on adventures too. Those are such good things. I can’t do any of them!!”
“You are right; you won’t be able to do any of those things this summer. You are going to be okay. And even if you wouldn’t, even if you would never, ever walk again, it is about your relationship with Me and that is it. That’s what this is about. You and me. Nothing else matters.”
“You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” – Psalm 32:7-8
I have to tell you; I still cling to that conversation. When the storms of life come, when Satan starts in with the same old lies, I go back to that night where I had a gentle reminder from my loving Father that He holds the world in His hands. Not only does He hold the world, He also holds my heart.
I am not going to look at your situation and tell you that everything is going to be okay. There are some things that simply change you and your life never feels the same. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that everything will work out. Sometimes it does not because we are all broken, sinful humans that have free will to do whatever we please. What I will tell you is that saving faith in the Creator of the universe saw me through this hard time in my life. I am grateful for it too! That season of seeing His faithfulness has helped me remember His faithfulness in other harder times that have come since then.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Dear one, hear me. It is about you and your relationship with Jesus. Maybe you will never have a day like I had two summers ago. Maybe your hard times will be financial. Maybe a loved one gets a phone call with one word no one wants to hear, terminal. Maybe your child gets sick or passes away. Maybe your spouse who promised forever says they have had enough. Beloved, He loves you. He cares for you. He will not MAKE you believe. That is a choice. You get to choose to be covered in the blood of Jesus. Embrace it. Believe it with every fiber of your being and to your core. Then, let that faith change you from the inside all the way out. My prayer for you is that the change is so evident that the people in your world stop you and ask, “What is different about you? What has changed?” The answer, Jesus.
“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” – 1 Peter 1:6-7