This past Spring was an amazing adventure, climbing and scuba diving in Cayman Brac. Towards the end of our trip, we decided to take a break from diving, and headed to Heritage Wall early in the morning. It was a hot, humid and sticky day.
After an easy warm-up, I decided to try my hand at top roping the 5.10c sharing our anchor. The exhaustion from our week showed as I epically flailed my way up the route. With a few magic belays, I crawled to the top and cleaned our anchors. Since everyone was feeling the fatigue, we decided to head home and have a rest day.
On our way out, Ray pointed out a 5.9+ called Mad Cow. (For the record, this was no 5.9!) From down below, the route looked straight forward and fun, so we decided to give it a go. About halfway up, a couple feet above my last clip, I realized I had misread the route. I was facing the wrong way, off balance, off route, and felt totally stuck. I was barely balancing on a tiny ledge, with an inverted slab in front of me. My next bolt was several feet above. Since my previous clip required a traverse upward, I was also facing a pretty nasty swing in addition a 12’ whipper. It was then that I realized I had also forgotten my helmet.
I have never felt so scared, and so out of control on a climb then I did in that moment. My body started shaking and a vast array of expletives repeatedly exploded out of my mouth. My poor husband had never heard me talk that way! I remember thinking, “I’m stuck! I cannot move! Someone needs to come rescue me!” Then I remembered I was on a tiny island and there was no way I was getting rescued.
I stood there trembling and frozen for a few minutes. I knew I would have to go up, or I was going to come down. I thought about the times I have talked other women through their fears on the rock. I followed the advice I had given many times. I prayed.
I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. – Isiah 41:13
Over the years I have yelled up to countless climbers the same thing, “take a deep breath, pray, and settle yourself.” That is just what I did. I bowed my head and prayed that God would settle my spirit, calm my nerves, and help me get though the situation I had gotten myself into. As I prayed for His strength in me, I was thankful for a gracious God that is approachable, even after a long tirade of four letter words.
After I was settled, and my heart was back focused on Him, rather than my circumstance, I slowly twisted and repositioned myself to make my next move. A couple terrifying steps later I clicked into the next bolt and in relief yelled, “take!”
I made it to the top of that climb safely, but not unscathed. I had been shaken to my core in a way I had not seen before. I’ve always been a bit of a chicken leader. This makes me cautious. A little too cautious. I rarely get above a bolt without knowing I’m going to make the next move. In fact, I’ve been known to anchor into a bolt and stick clip the bolt above, rather than being brave and take the risk. I believe my fears have held me back from developing as a climber.
Is that how God wants us to live? Never going for the big move or risking failure? I’m torn with this question. As I ask it, I think about the last time I was bold above the bolt and sprained my ankle due to a hard catch on a big whipper. I’m still nursing that injury months later. Yet, I still must ask the question. Does God want us to always play it safe, never taking chances, and always remaining protected? Or, does he want us to step out of the boat and onto the water, sometimes risking our safety and security in the process?
I believe the answer at times is yes. God sometimes calls us to big, risky moves above the bolt. He calls us to lay down our fears and insecurities. He calls us to be stretched to teach us, shape us, and use us. If we live our lives avoiding risks, we will never grow or develop. We will remain stagnant and never live our lives to our full potential as God intended.
So, what do you do when you are about to step above the bolt, risking an nasty whipper and possible injury? Do you anchor in and pull out your trusty stick clip? Or, do you go for the big move and trust that God is there to catch you? The answer isn’t an easy one. It really depends on the circumstance. Not every bold move is a calling from God. The key is learning to discern when we are to step out in faith, and when we are to be cautious. The only way to gain that kind of wisdom is through prayer, and relationship. The more we spend time with Christ, the more we can discern and trust when He calls us to take a risk and go for it.
This message is challenging to me. I think of all the times I’ve chickened out, and stick clipped the bolt above. I can’t say I will never do that again. Sometimes I am leading beyond my grade and projecting a route that I want to lead someday. However, there are other times when I do think God is calling me to lay down my fears, trust that He has fully equipped me for that next big move and take the risk.
When God challenges us, we need to not take the easy route. When we feel scared, we need to take a deep breath, pray and settle ourselves. We must learn to rely on God’s strength when we have nothing left of our own. When we do this, we will grow and develop into the women God has called us to be.
And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” – Matthew 14: 25-35
